A Contemplation Of Who I Am

by Katelyn Abbott

Author's Summary: Buffy contemplates who she is during the beginning of season five.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer as it belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy and clearly not to me.

I wrote this Buffy ficlet a while ago and I wanted to be able to share it on my blog. You can check out the rest of the stories I have written on fan fiction net under badgirl1990 if you want to do so. I do hope that you enjoy this ficlet and please give me any constructive criticism or positive reviews you have on it. Thank you.

Who am I?

My name is Elizabeth Anne Summers and my nickname is Buffy which is what everybody who knows me always calls me. I am nineteen years old. I have blonde hair and green eyes. I consider my favorite animal to be dogs, my favorite books to be romance novels, my favorite color to be blue, my favorite drinks to be Coke and Frappuccino, and my favorite foods to be chocolate, crunchy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fat-free yogurt, jelly donuts, ice cream, Mexican food, pizza, and waffles. I dislike beer, country music, dorky out-of-date fashions, evil, hospitals, and Kung Fu movies. I enjoy art, the beach, chick flicks and classic movies, dancing, eating, fashion, going shopping, hanging out with my friends, ice skating, listening to upbeat music, marital arts, and weaponry.

I am a big sister. Dawn and I bicker and call each other names a lot. She drives me crazy, but I do accept her for who she is, care about her, and love her despite how she gets into more than her fair share of trouble and how much she gets on my nerves. I would die first before I would ever let anything horrible happen to her.

I am a college student. I do my best to do my homework and study for my exams and end up getting to my classes most of the time, but slaying gets in the way from me focusing my full attention on college. Even though I am far from the greatest student in the world I am far from stupid as I am clever, do have a dry sense of humor, and end up thinking fast on my feet to get myself out of sticky situations. I have got a 1,430 combined score on my SATs to prove that I do have a brain of my own and I am capable of using it whenever I have to.

I am a daughter. Mom clearly accepts me for who I am, cares about me, and deeply loves me just like she does with Dawn. I do what I can to meet up to the expectations that she has for me in life, but I am doomed to end up failing most of them as being the Slayer prevents me from having a normal life. Even though Dad does not seem to want to have much to do with either Dawn or me anymore, I am fortunate enough to have a father figure to look up to in my Watcher Giles.

I am a friend. Friends are people who accept you for who you are, care about you, do their best to look out for you when you need them to do so for you, and end up earning your respect and your trust in them. I do that for my friends, but do I depend more on Willow and Xander than they do on me? The Scoobies end up giving me a reason to live every day, but how is it fair for me to deny them their chances to have normal lives, endanger their lives on an everyday basis, and for them to fight against demons, evil vampires, and the forces of darkness for a cause meant to be only mine to bear alone?

I am a girlfriend.

I am a human being. I bathe myself and change into clean clothes every day. I cry, drink beverages, eat, and feel emotions such as anger, confusion, disgust, envy, fear, guilt, happiness, intense hatred, jealousy, loneliness, regret, and sadness. I have my flaws and my good qualities. I get sick and hurt myself. I have my own goals and hopes for my future. I joke. I laugh. I sleep.

I am a Slayer. The Chosen One who alone is destined to fight against demons, evil vampires, and the forces of darkness. It is my duty to use my expert fighting skills, my gift of natural proficiency with many different weapons, and my powers of agility, collective memories of all the past Slayers who were called before me, durability, enhanced reflexes and senses, fast healing abilities, incredible speed, limited ability to sense vampires, prophetic dreams, and superhuman strength to defend the safety of mankind from evil. Every day my world is full of bloodshed, chaos, darkness, and endless death. I fight to keep my family and friends safe and I will give up my life if that is what it takes for me to save the world.

I am just Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Who else could I be other than me?

The End